Top 10 Reasons to Shave My Head

10) Yesterday, I hit my head with a clothing rack and I could have sworn that I was dripping blood, but it took me 10 minutes of hair-disheveling to realize that no, I wasn't dripping blood, I was just being dramatic. No hair means no guessing. I could more easily tell if I was gushing from an open wound.

9) I would no longer feel compelled to swing my head around like a fucking freak when I'm drunk and listening to a song I want to sing and dance to. The sheer reason that I dance like a cat on fire is because I enjoy the sensation of my hair falling on my face. But I could save a lot of embarrassment if I didn't do this anymore, so OFF IT GOES!

8) If I had a bald head, I would no longer debate the issues of dyeing my hair blonde. Oh yes, I did try this once--some might argue twice, but the second time was unintentional--and it's not a good look. Needless to say, I contemplate it more often than I should.

7) I could finally wear a hat. I would probably be more sensitive to the cold without my hair, so I could wear a hat and not worry anymore about hat hair.

6) Less time spent in the shower.

5) Less money spent on good smelling shampoos and conditioners. My former bathroom mate, Laura Drouillard, can sympathize with this one. At one point, in our tiny shower, so tiny that you for sure couldn't put more than 1 person in it (believe me, I tried), I had 5 different sets of shampoo and conditioner. Excessive and easily eliminated along with my hair.

4) I'd get better lap times in the pool. Oh yeah, I'd probably be able to beat M.Phelps. Here's to hoping!

3) Hair basically leaps off of my head as it is. It's on the ground, on my shirts, stuck to my socks and sometimes stuck in the drain. It's a damaged lot. It's excessively heated and mangled into being a straight follicle when really, all it wants to do in life is be curly. Even now, feeling at the back of head, towards the base of the root, there are some of the tightest curled locks of hair that have resisted pressure from the heating tools. I hate them, they hate me, lets cut our losses (get the pun?)

2) I'd probably be able to knock 1 or 2 pounds off of the scale if I were bald.

1) THE NUMBER ONE REASON!!! When it grows back, it will be a fierce fro. Oh that's right, I did a slightly less extreme version of baldness once before and no one could have predicted the results, but sure enough, a fro sat on top of my scalp for the duration of my hair's "growing back" period. Thank you 7th grade for all of the horrible memories I have since blocked out. Thank you 8th grade boys for calling me "fro" in the hallway. Thank you Chi for inventing the most amazing flat iron. Thank you hair for reaching my shoulders once again. Now please, if you don't mind, I'll have to ask you to leave.